Days 18, 19 and 22 - work and fun

It's Tuesday a.m. and I didn't write here for couple of days which means I am totally off the track. Nevertheless, I was productive and busy and so tired at the end of the days that I couldn't see a white cat, let alone write something. But here I am now, making up for what I didn't do on time.

The time at work I spent doing regular stuff but there is one project that I did earlier that has come to being talked about again (after collecting dust in the drawer) and on Friday I went to a meeting with a colleague to present it to investors. It's something that I would so much like to be executed and while talking about it, the investors made a proposal for another project, also an interesting one so it kinda means some more creative work for me and I feel happy about it. I hope it will all go according to a plan, but we'll see, cause with these things you never know anything for sure!

Thursday and Saturday afternoon I spent in a workshop where I was working on my chair reconstruction and this week I am finally going to take it to upholsterer to finish it. I can't really wait since the work itself has prolonged way too much and since I had (HAD!) this habit of not finishing things and this one looks like it IS going to be done. I will post photos of how the chair looked before and after the reconstruction for you to see - when it's done.

Weekend I spent taking photos mostly. A friend asked me to take some pictures for her fashion blog so we had a creative get-together and made some really cool ones. I also experimented with light in the evening taking a portrait photos of another friend and I am satisfied with the results. Will post them on my photo blog today and share the link with you later.

Yesterday was not so productive but it was fun so I will say it was a good day as well.

Ok, lots of work is still waiting for me now so I'm gonna get myself busy busy busy :)

cheers!

Day 17 - good one

Hello :)

I am in front of my laptop, trying to write something here, but my eyes hurt from fatigue so I will make it quick.

After I took Munja for a night walk and gave myself a bath, I made quick protein dinner and sat here to check the web. Before that I went to Pilates class to which I went to and from - rollerblading! The season is officially open and I enjoyed it so much. Plus, I wanted the sweat, and since Pilates is not something that will give it to me, I decided to enhance today's physical activity by rollerblading. It made me feel so good!

Before I went to Pilates, I meditated for half an hour which was quite enough. Munja interrupted me at some point, she put her head in my energy ball between my hands and started licking my fingers. I am going to have to do something about it, I didn't like being interrupted like this.

Prior to meditation I was finishing some bureaucratic work, went searching and shopping for some parts I need for a chair I am redesigning. I didn't find everything I need but I found a way of solving a problem.I took Munja with me and I bought her new leash and collar. That is her bit late birthday present :)

I was semi productive today at work and I guess I'm gonna have to try a little harder tomorrow.

Woke up late. Very late.

So now I'm going to bed earlier cause tomorrow I want to work harder.

'Night!

Days 15 and 16 - after the weekend of 13 and 14

Ok, I didn't write yesterday. I don't have an excuse, I just didn't feel like writing cause I was tired and concentration-less.

The day 15, Monday, was a happy day (like a happy hour, but longer). I spent the whole afternoon and evening with a good friend who lives abroad and whom I didn't see in a very long time, so I gave yesterday to her. I enjoyed the time spent with her immensely and I wish I could see more of her.

Before I met her I was very productive at work and I felt great about it.

Today was also good.

I came back from a long walk with Munja about hour and a half ago and I've been reading some articles up to now. I am all introspective these days and I have a feeling I need more and more of it since there are still questions that I don't know the answers to. Some of them are very important for me to answer in order to define my goals more precisely and in accordance with my true self and I need the time to think through them all. That is mostly what I spend my free time on these days.
I am wandering about this project of mine also. I was asking myself if what I think I want to achieve is really what my soul wants or is my ego making me do things. Today I made a list of things I am interested in (professionally or as a hobby) together with a list of things that motivate me to do them. I was actually not surprised with what I have found out and as much as I didn't like the truth, I had to be honest with myself. This is already too personal so I am not going to reveal more, but I think I came to some truths that are scaring the hell out of me and making me happy at the same time. It's rather confusing, but I think today I know more than I did yesterday so I am moving forward and toward my dreams. At least I think I am.

Before I took Munja for a night walk I read some more of those articles, asked myself questions and wrote some answers in my book. It's like self shrinking and I am actually enjoying it, but what I am afraid of is that I will spend too much time thinking and do no real action. On the other hand, I am afraid that I might make a bad decision if I force myself to make it faster just because the time is passing by, and there is this vicious circle I am in again. It's like that with me. I have to measure zillion times before I make a decision. But once I do, that is it!

It was all after I did some more of that boring work I do only for the money (talking about motives...). I got the money and comparing the amount of work I did with the amount of money I got for it - I can say it was a good deal. The money is tempting and I need it since my paycheck is late as always, but the work is boring as hell and I hate it and I am close to NOT WANTING TO DO IT ANYMORE!

Before that I went to my parents place for lunch and took Munja for a walk.

I came home from work earlier due to some meeting I didn't have to attend (thank God, again) and I was sent home. I felt like reading a book and that is what I did before I went to lunch.

I got up feeling good and I had a plan for today. But nothing went according to it. Bad plan or bad course of action? Maybe both?

'Till tomorrow,

cheers!

Day 12 - I love fridays

So it's quarter to 3am and I'm super sleepy.

Before I sat down in front of computer to read some psychological articles (it was around 10pm) I took Munja for a long walk. We usually have long walks in the evening but this one was specially long. First, she needed it since she was full of energy today and secondly, I felt like walking after sitting on my but the whole day.
We made a tour to the city center, then went to the river, sat there a bit, smoked a cigarette and watched young seagulls (or rivergulls?) play just above the surface. She was surprisingly calm considering the birds being  so close, but still she is a smart girl, she knows they are out of her reach, so she didn't ignite the fire. Then some guy came to us with his pitbull called Serb (!) asking for a lighter. I found the name for a dog very odd, but I figured out that if I start a conversation about it it will take me to a discussion I didn't really want. I decided we are going to go back home walking by the river but then something made me want to run. I don't really like that sport and I never, ever do it. I find it boring and I go rollerblading instead. But I felt like running tonight so I let myself run. Munja was running beside me and of course she liked it. Since I'm not in a condition to run a long distance, I cut it to 200 m and then walked 200 m...and so we passed about 1.5 km. I didn't feel so good in a long time and I have to say I really missed the sweat. So I decided that from next week, I'm gonna spend more time being physical.

In the afternoon I worked.

In the morning I let myself sleep longer since I went to bed really late last night.

I woke up happy and I'm going to bed happy. I love Fridays.


Have a good weekend,

Cheers!

Day 11 - Having fun working

Today was one good day :)

Half an hour ago I had finished the work (on this project of mine) for today. It's slowly moving and I'm happy about it. I feel good after working the whole day. It really IS liberating.

I made a break giving Munja a shower. She doesn't like it as much as she likes rubbing her coat with a towel, but she absolutely hates hot-air-drying. She gets scared, more of the sound than anything else and I have to calm her down like a baby every time. She managed to escape from my hands in the middle of it and hide underneath the bed collecting the dust. That was nice. Didn't want to come out until I totally ignored her for half an hour. And here she is now all fresh and clean and bit confused in my bed :)

Munja's favorite sitting position

I said I worked the whole day and the thing I like most about it is that I really enjoyed it. I guess this boring work that I had to do at the beginning of the week was a true downer and  that made this one so much more appealing. AM part of the day I spent on the site and the PM part in front of a computer and it's a balance of different working environments and focuses that is working good for me.

I managed to have a coffee with friends and take Munja for a long walk to and from her vet, where I buy food for her (she eats this special kind of granulated food since her guts operation in October last year), between works out and inside. 

She was almost hysterical there, I guess she has had enough of that space, but this was the first time she's behaved like that. She begged me to go out, whimpering and giving me The Look. Luckily, we didn't stay long and she was happy again just outside the door. Some really nice people work at that ordination and I like seeing them and chatting but this time it was impossible.

After I woke up at half past seven, ON MY OWN!, I took Munja for a quick walk and went to the registrar to BUY two peaces of paper that prove my birth and citizenship for something like 12 euros and it's all taxes and it pisses me off.  I read somewhere that there are more that 400 different taxes in Serbia and they are sky high for a low economical standard like this one here. I see it as country's legal way of robbing people to pay huge and unnecessary administration which works slowly anyway, or more-than-it's-worth for whatever can smear your eyes to look good. It just raged me this morning! But the Sun was shining and the day was too good to be ruined by politics so I didn't let it.

Till tomorrow,

Cheers!

Day 10 - Tird of the time passed

So it's half past 11pm and I'm getting ready for bed.

Last couple of hours I spent in a deep and meaningful conversation with a dear friend. I did not meditate, did not study anything, but the knowledge about matters that are important to me I gained in this conversation is priceless.

Before that I worked on my project for 4 hours after I came back from my daily job. I even cooked today. In the meantime I was arranging some meetings for tomorrow and solved some dilemmas I had with my accountant. I also updated my photo blog .

Sometimes it's hard to say if a day like this was productive or not. Maybe not so much in a sense of the quantity of work I did, but considering the quality of time I spent in that conversation I don't really mind that I didn't work so hard.

True, I could have organized my time better today and manage to squeeze everything in a day, but today it just wasn't the case. Again.

I am still not consistent enough...

Tomorrow will be more.


Good night.

Day 9 - Upsidedown day

I didn't write last night, at the end of the ninth day, but I'm writting now, at the beginning of the tenth. 

Must say that there is nothing much to write as I was feeling not so good yesterday and wasn't able to do much. 

Didn't go to work, I read some psychological articles and meditated a bit. In the afternoon I somehow managed to do some of that boring work for couple of hours and then went to a friends place for a dinner and a movie. And it kinda saved this horible and boring day.

There.

Day 8 (after the weekend of 6 an 7) - work and pleasure

Hey, hey, a new week has begun! And it started well ;)

I spent my weekend being a bit busy and a bit resting and there was this pleasure trip to Belgrade yesterday which prolonged to today. So this day was totally out of the plan but I got to be productive at the end but that is not so much important in comparison to what I've learned yesterday.

Sometimes when you get off the road and let yourself do things you didn't plan to do - it turns out you've spent a more quality time than you would otherwise. Hanging out with interesting and smart people is always rewarding and yesterday spontaneously happened that I had a valuable art lesson from one of the most creative people I know, while looking at and commenting on some great photos a friend took, as well as listening to his comments of the photos I took that day. I also learned something more about myself and all those things kept me awake till morning. I can say it was one of the best days I had in months!

So I was in Belgrade for the bigger part of the day today and when I came home a lot of work waited for me. Boring work, but it brings some extra cash and I need it now so can't really refuse to do it.

Now that I have finished it, I feel like the day is practically over (it's 11pm) and it's time for bed.

ps. I miss meditating today...

Cheers!

Day 5 - A good day!

As you see, I am writing this post on Saturday morning (if half past 11am is still morning :). The reason for it is that I was soooo tired last night and just didn't have enough concentration to write.

The day was full of activities and I was very efficient in doing them.

Before I took Munja for a walk and had dinner, I finished making around 70 magnets for an order I got this week. It took me about 3 and a half hours to stick the print and cut them.

Prior to that, I meditated for a half an hour and read about photography for a half an hour as well.

It was after I made myself a big lunch and walked with Munja to my internet provider to pay the bill.

Before that, and after my work time was finished, I went to pick up the print.

The time I spent on a job was filled with work I enjoyed and I even got some time to do some research for my own project.

I woke up at 8, but arrived to work around ten. It took me two hours to get ready, have breakfast, take Munja for a walk and make a plan for the day while having a coffee.

So, I guess that this system is working better for me and I think I will continue with it on the second week.

Have a great weekend :)

Cheers!

Day 4 - Like there is no plan, but not a bad day at all

Ok, I suck at this and I admit: IT'S HARD AS HELL TO DISCIPLINE MYSELF! But I got to do some things that keep my dealings move forward so I can't really say I'm dissatisfied.


So, it's ten to nine pm and I spent the last hour networking and chatting with a friend.

Three whole hours before that I spent with a great friend of mine whose company I always enjoy. We had lunch and I wanted to be around while he finished his big art project since I followed it from the start. I took some photos of the process and recorded it with his camera so I was a bit of a use there plus I had some photographic practice. And that was The excuse for not meditating and studying today at the time planed so I kinda felt guilty for not being more consistent with my plan.

Around 4pm I took Munja for a walk, after I came home from work. The job I did today was mostly of technical nature, no brainstorming, creative design or theoretical research whatsoever, so I felt pretty empty there. Before I got to work, I had to do some other things concerning my private work so getting at least some important things done is ok.

I woke up and hour later than I intended to and it was, again, due to the fact that I went to bed late.

As I just read what I wrote - I remembered how I used to spend the first week of the time intended for preparing an exam in my Uni days. I wasn't studying at home but at my mother's office and I used to go there every afternoon and stay until late night with intention of studying, but instead I would read newspapers, play a piano and draw a studying plan. I needed that time to fix my mental energy on the job I had to do, so I guess that is what is going on right now with this project. I know what I have to do and it's hanging above my head.

All I need is more will tomorrow.

UPDATE:

After I posted this, I went with Munja to see my parents and sister and have late dinner. Saw a TV series with my sister and then got back home not feeling much better about the day.
But then I realized that the day is not finished yet and I still have time to meditate, which is exactly what I needed and did. My energies are lighter now and I feel better.

I think that I might have to make a change in the project. Maybe it's not the ritual of doing the same things at the same time according to daily schedule (like in the army) something I need or should force myself to do. Maybe it will be enough to find my own time for doing them during the day (or night) but be sure to DO THEM. Because, I know how much more creative I am while working alone till late at night and as much as I have tried to switch to the daily hours in those endeavors (specially in the morning) I have never managed to be as creative or productive as in the evenings. It was like that during my studies, it was like that during my job with the design studio where I worked before (I worked from noon till 8pm) and it is still like that. I am not even sure I can change that even if I want to. All creative people I know work during the evening and night and I do belong to this category. See, now I feel like working!

Now, the question is: Am I just trying to explain myself for not being consistent or did I just got an insight that can help me be more productive? I know that the key is in everyday work and that is not something I want to sidestep, I just want to make sure I come up with the plan that can actually work. Feel free to share your opinions in comments, I'd like to see them.

Thanx :)

Day 3 - Did better

I can't believe it's already 9pm!

Just had a dinner after I came back from a walk with Munja. In the evening we take a longer one and I am enjoying it as much as she is.

So, everything is not exactly going according to the hourly schedule, since there are some things interrupting it (I wrote in my first post that that will happen) and today was the case.

From 7pm to 8 something pm I was working on some side job that I occasionally do - I make fridge magnets and a customer ordered a bunch of them so I had to prepare the print.

From 5pm to 7pm I was engaged in some activities concerning the chair redesign that I'm working on, since my carpenter called me to pick up the parts he had finished. It finally happened - I waited for it more than acceptable amount of time since the work is not complicated and extensive at all (and that was exactly the problem), but it's finally done and I'm happy about it. I took them then to another workshop where they will be processed further, by myself, when the conditions for it are created. The work being done these days in that same workshop is much greater and more important than mine so I will have to wait a bit. Anyway, I'm glad that there is some progress there.

From 4pm to 5pm I took Munja for a walk and had lunch. I didn't cook today, sometimes I really hate cooking only for myself, so I had a sandwich. Maybe I should work on that too - make myself cook everyday. But let's leave it for another month. It's not my priority now.

I finished my daily job at 3h30 pm, as I was engaged in some research that I am enjoying so I even wanted to stay longer - which didn't happen for a long time and I'm pretty satisfied with that fact.

I woke up late as I went to bed later than I was supposed to due to a very interesting reading that occupied my mind and time and that is definitely one more thing that I have to change. 8h of sleep is something I need but maybe reducing it to 7 will do as well. Of course, it turned out that I didn't have enough time at work to do everything I wanted, so I'm really pissed off with myself for being so lazy to get out of the bed when my alarm clock rings.

I did not meditate and did not study, but basically, I'm satisfied with this day, cause during the process of thinking about exact things that I want to do and precise goals I want to achieve I came to some insights that are helping me a lot to organize and make a bigger picture of my plans.

Having said that, there is one thing that pretty much interferes with the first schedule I planed to carry out and it is the uncertainty about the commencement of my 3D Max classes. It interferes both with my time at work and home and moreover - it's making my plan not working. When I put down The schedule - I made it according to my needs and wishes and I kind of fixed my energy to it, so now I have a feeling that is it all messed up. So I guess some changes will be made there, but let me think more about it first before I put it on publicly.

Ten o'clock. Time for a bath.

Cheers!

ps. There IS a huge difference in number of followers if this post is not on Facebook so I guess I will have to post it there daily, just to have a sense of bigger monitoring.

Day 2 - Can do better

First, I have to say that this day was not as productive as yesterday but not so bad, on the other hand.

Before I opened a blog and started writing I had a dinner that was heated lunch I made today. It was pasta with chicken drumstick and cheese sauce. Of course, first I fed Munja after we got back from a long walk - which she couldn't wait to do, showing it to me by ravishing my leg (trying to dominate).

I made a small change in a daily routine by switching activities - meditation and study. Actually, I could not meditate today. I tried, but a song I heard last before I sat down was going on and on in my head and I just couldn't let it pass. It was the cover of Gotye's "Somebody that I used to know" - I know, it's a global hit and maybe it's even overplayed but I used to sing it everyday for weeks and learned the lyrics so I just couldn't get it out of my head! It drove me nuts! 

I decided to switch meditation for studies because this particular Vippasana that I like to do should (according to Osho) be done at least an hour after a meal and I was late with my lunch today, so I guessed that change of activities can be done here.

So instead of meditation, I took a great book on Photography a friend lent me, and learned how to photograph architecture and interiors, as well as objects in motion. I studied it for an hour and a half.

I sad I was late with lunch and it was due to frozen chicken drumsticks that took almost half an hour to defrost. 

So everything I did in the afternoon was ok, even though meditation didn't go so well. But what I am not satisfied with is the time I spent on a job. I misplaced mu external hard drive so I couldn't do what I wanted to do and it made me anxious. Instead, I read some interesting articles so the time was not completely wasted.

Another thing that made me anxious is a notice that my 3D Max classes will be postponed and I really need to get started with it. 

As I write this I realize how boring this day was...

Will do better tomorrow.


ps. I will not post this one on my FB page just to see if there are any followers that are really interested in this :)

Day 1 - The new beginning!

Ok, the time came to submit a report about the success of this first day. I must say I was pretty excited this morning and kind of curious about everything going according to a plan. And it did, mostly :)

In a manner of this blog, publishing posts in reverse chronological order, and out of one more reason - a wise friend told me that repeating (in your mind) daily doings in reverse, from evening to morning, will improve your memory and doing it regularly you can be able to remember events easily even years back - I will write about my day from this moment to the moment I woke up.

I just poured myself a glass of fine red wine and still have a half an hour to write this until I go take a bath and prepare for a bed. Last hour and a half I spent updating my photo blog, which I wanted to do for months and you can see the updates here and here.
Before I did that, I Facebooked a bit, checked my email and had a Skype chat with a friend, after I took Munja for a long walk. I didn't have dinner, as I was supposed to, I wasn't hungry - so I guess I'm going to have a sandwich or something after I finish this.

(Must say, this is pretty weird - remembering what I did today in reverse order. It's even harder for me to articulate it as I don't think I've done it ever before. And I just remembered that this is also one of the interrogation techniques: if you want to make sure one is not lying, ask them to repeat what they did - but in reverse chronological order. If they are lying - they will have trouble making it up in reverse.)

Ok, where was I? Oh, yes...

Prior to my time out with the dog, I finally got to read some of the tutorials and tips for better photography and post editing that I bookmarked, but never found time to read them through and think about them. I decided to dedicate this educating hour (and a half) to the web platforms instead of books I have on photography, as I felt more like it. I guess I am kinda hooked onto screen radiation, but hey - at least I'm saving the planet by not printing everything I want to read :) I must say there is a bunch of crap out there, in a sense of artistic quality of indicative examples, but as far as shooting techniques are concerned, there still is a lot I can learn from.

I started browsing the web while having a coffee after an hour of meditation which made me feel fresh and put me in a very good mood. Not that the mood was bad before it, but I sensed the difference. I wander why I didn't meditate more often before? Well, laziness is the answer, I guess.
I decided to go into Vippasana for an hour. I set comfortably in a Lotus position, put my hands with palms faced one to another on my legs and started breathing. After a while, I could feel my torso (together with my head) moving in circles around the vertical axes of my whole body. I could feel the energy between my hands so strongly as if there is a ball, a firm ball between them. At one point, I felt like my arms are merging into one hand and I couldn't sense the physical borders of my extremities and tell where my arms exactly are. I always have the same feeling when I meditate, but this is the first time I am speaking about it. I relaxed so deeply that I almost felt asleep, but my senses were pretty sharp and I lifted up the frequencies of my brain exactly an hour from the beginning of meditation.

Since I finished earlier with my daily job (that I spent mostly doing some technical work for some project), due to some board meeting that I didn't have to attend to (thank God), I went out to an object of my own project and took some photos. As I came home earlier, I took some time to clean the kitchen and put a print on a wall (one more thing I procrastinated to do). After that, I took Munja for a walk and made myself a delicious lunch (I actually just heated yesterdays' lunch that my mom made, but it was delicious anyway).

I have to admit that I didn't wake up at 7am as planned, even though I went to bed earlier last night, but that was because I reeeeealy needed the sleep, since I slept only 3 hours the previous night and didn't take an afternoon nap. I got up at 8, but still managed to get all the things planned - done.

Now, it's 20 to 11 pm and I still want to have that sandwich before bath, so bye bye till tomorrow. Hope it'll be as productive as today :)

Cheers!

What will be my daily routine?

Before I put my daily schedule on a plate, I want to note some basics first.

This project will start Monday, February 27th and the first check up will be on March 27th, so one month from then. At that point I will have to reevaluate all the activities I had during the time passed and see if I am satisfied with the results. At the beginning the blog will be all filled up with info about what I spent my time on during the day, my thoughts and perceptions of different experiences, but after a while I will hopefully be able to show some visual results of my work.

The schedule will be applied on workdays only and the weekend will be given to my off-schedule activities like socializing, spending time in nature with my dog, resting, taking care of my home and whatever else I feel like doing... :)

Of course, there will also be things that will interrupt my daily schedule like seeing a movie or going to a concert or a theater, or taking care of some bureaucratic or health stuff that will probably take me more time than I can extract for it - so those kind of exceptions are allowed. In those cases I will catch up with what I've missed during the weekend and it will all be documented here.

My first goal is to put myself into a routine of everyday work so I will focus on fulfilling my daily plan as much as possible.

Ok, so here it is - THE DAILY SCHEDULE for the first month:

7h - 7:45h - get up, take Munja for a walk, breakfast

8h - 15h - job time

15:30h - 16:30h - take Munja for a walk and lunch

16:30h - 17:30h - meditation/tai-chi

18h - 19h - 3D Studio Max course (monday, tuesday and thursday)

                - study about photography (wednesday and friday)

19h - 20h - take Munja for a walk and dinner

20h - 22h - blog, email and social networking

22h - 23h - getting ready for bed and reading

23h .......................z z z Z Z  Z     Z          Z

Now, during my day job I can always find time to practice 3D Max and since my work computer is the only one I can practice it on, that is what I am going to do. Also, I will make references about the project I am taking care of at work and all the things that are in some way connected to it - like studies on the subject in a form of a theoretical research or my own design analysis.

Another thing, important - I am still waiting for my 3D Max course to start, but I don't want to make that circumstance interfere with the beginning of this project, so until the beginning of the course, I will spend time intended for it on my photography studies. My camera is always with me, so if I want to take special time for shooting - it will be on weekends.

One more thing. There are some things that I started doing before the idea of this project (some furniture redesign) and I need to finish it. Now I am waiting for my artisans to finish their part of work so there will probably be some schedule break ups for that cause. Anyway, the important thing is that I don't spend much time in vain and that at the end of the day I go to bed happy :)

'Til Monday then!

Wish me luck!!!

I.

What is this all about?

In the last couple of months of self examination and exploration of my true passions I came close to the answer of what I really love and want to do and what is it I want to achieve. Being an architect and working for years on projects I did not really enjoy and at the same time being limited in creative endeavors because of a lack of knowledge about certain software I have found too hard to master, made me (feel) incompetent when it comes to the experience in the creative field, resulting in a lack of motivation, boredom with my work, lost goals and eventually low self-esteem. The truth is - there is little I can put in my portfolio and the only one to blame is myself, for not being persistent enough and more hardworking. Beside that, I have resurrected my passion for photography, bought my first DSLR and started taking photos in the process of self education. Ok, it's a hobby, and there is talent as some competent people told me, but why not take it to another level by committing more time and energy to it? What is stopping me other than myself? So I came to the point of what I really want: to be free to create my own art and not less important - to be able to do it. The feeling of excitement about this revelation was kind of freeing and gave me so much joy and enthusiasm and all I had to do was - commit to my skills improvement by self education or taking a course, spend more time really doing it and most important: have a specific goal. One thing I already do have as a facilitating factor is that I am not obliged to spend 8 hours at my desk at work, but have the liberty of organizing my own time according to the tasks needing to be done. But being out of the focus for too long -as I was, makes the freedom to organize your time frustrating if you are not able, for whatever reasons, to organize it effectively and follow the routine of daily activities - as it is my case. In the end, I find myself unhappy, not satisfied with the day passed, feeling guilty for being lazy or distracted by "circumstances" and my self-esteem is getting lower and lower. Now, since I have realized that the only reason why I fail in all my attempts to achieve my goals is not sticking to a routine and avoiding the discipline of everyday work, I've decided to make a change by starting with this project. I am going to make a schedule of my daily activities and try to stick to it as much as possible for a month to begin with, which will hopefully take me, step by step, to the point where I can finally see the results of my work that will satisfy me. It will be composed of different tasks, most of them focused on practical work and education in fields of architectural design and photography. One more thing that I want to do in parallel is to continue walking on a mind-expanding and soul-searching path, as that adventure is the best one I ever took part in. So, What is this all about? It's about testing my ability to take my life and responsibility for it into my own hands and see if I am able to control it - in order to make a change I so wish for. I believe I can and you will be the judge. I know it will be hard to get out of my comfort zone and quitting is always an option, but in that case I will consider myself a big time failure.